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Saturday, December 10, 2005


lost hope

I am desperately need something and have been trying my best to patiently wait for it to happen. And looks like I'm not fortunate enough to have it. It has been almost a year and actually rather than improving, the situation has been deteriorating much faster than what I can cope up with. Looks like I'm never gonna have it. I hate today and I will hate the Friday evening that brought down every hope that I had managed to hide in the corner of my heart. I try, keep trying, and will always try, to put a smile on a special someone’s face, just a smile - it would brighten my day seeing him smile. But I never got it back, the same smile, the same dream that I try to put in others. End of the year 2005 is soon approaching and I still long for that smile, that lost dream, that hug, that moment....

My future has always been uncertain and I never complained about it and deal with it as it unwraps. But unfortunately, the person I’m concerned about, seems to think that I have a secure future and I don’t worry about anything and am enjoying my life while he is busy trying to un-sort his life even after two decades of hard work. I know the person is working real hard, but it wouldn’t hurt if he managed to understand that all I’ have been wanting was a smile on his face. I sincerely hope to drag his attention to the other folks that need his attention just as much as his work and his wife.

I resort to writing, diary & blog, to get rid of those hard feeling and once I take off that load, I can smile and make others smile.

It is again one of those sad posts today, that I promised I wouldn’t post on this blog ever again. But I am just losing control and am waiting for a new beginning. Just as season does not stay forever, I am certain things shall change for the better with the coming new year. I’m eagerly waiting for this New Year, new sunrise and a new day that will brighten up his life and my life.

sometimes the best of hope is seen after the brutal sufferings, may you see the glooming clouds parting away soon! keep your spirit flying high!
I'm running low on hope and faith. But I can still wish and dream.

Just yesterday night as I walked along the sidewalk, under the moon lit sky, inhaling the holiday spirit that was floating around in the air - the air filled with "merry christmas" and "happy holidays" - and almost forgot about the little troubles I have and enjoyed the smiles and friendliness from total strangers. As I was mesmerized and walking back home, a golden leaf fluttered past. I caught it and twirled it by the stem. The foliage felt like a sign that life is too short to worry - enjoy it while it lasts.

But I guess life is indeed full of uncertainty!
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